We usually send out cards each year at Christmas, and I always enjoy giving some lighthearted summary of the year. As our family has grown, so have the updates. Everybody gets a photo and a couple of sentences sharing what tv shows have captivated them, or what sport is the latest obsession, or where we’ve moved.

This year, I didn’t have it in me.

2020 brought on the first year of the blank back side to our card, and it makes me sad.

I always want to be truthful. Portraying your life as if it is picture-perfect only contributes to the massive amounts of depression that others can experience when stuck in the comparison trap. In my face-to-face relationships, I am brutally honest about what our experiences have been relating to job loss, mental health issues, and parenting.

But there’s something about it not only pertaining to me, but to my son– and our family– that gives me pause about putting it in writing for all to see. I would rather he make the decision to share this information with our community, instead of making that call for him.

As this is anonymous, I’ll share my *unedited* Christmas card here:

2020 was a year that began with promise and hope. I started my new job that was a great fit for my skills– arguably the best position I’ve ever had. Bae got a promotion in February where he gets to work on a team that affirms and challenges him, which is a huge departure from his last work environment. The year was our oyster.

We all know what happened in March, and the months that followed. 10 very long weeks of working from home full time plus supervising distance learning with two kids who have IEPs is not for the faint of heart. And believe me, we became faint of heart.

In the midst of our weariness– and in the span of 5 months– we experienced two psychiatric hospitalizations, one Bipolar 1 diagnosis, an ADHD & Autism diagnosis, moving to a new house, and a new school for each of the boys. I would be happy to share more about any and all of these events over a phone call or Houseparty session. It’s a lot to talk about, and even more stunning to think of how we survived such a season.

In it all was the grace of God. I felt that presence through friends and family who supported me, loving texts and notes, meals sent digitally, and many prayers on our behalf. Thank you. It’s no small miracle, but here we are, ushering out the year very differently than when we welcomed it.

I plan to approach 2021 with a very different attitude. This time, I will keep the expectations low. But I will also try and leave room for hope to make her way into all areas of our lives. We just might make it through with some beauty in the process.

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However you celebrate (or don’t) this time of year, I’m sending hopes for encouragement and rest for you today. May you live as authentically as you can bear.